I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
pray to the hookup gods
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
