Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
