It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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