She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
