I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
