Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
