i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
