dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
