I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
