Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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