I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
