I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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