if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
