Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
