so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
