i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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