you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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