You made me cry and you don't even care
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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