He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
