I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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