So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
