You're my little dorito
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
