Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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