Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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