i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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