Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
