Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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