Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
