So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
