i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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