Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
