I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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