I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
