I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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