i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
