So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
