Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
