Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
