guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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