You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
