I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
