he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
These tits shall not be calmed
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