we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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