And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
