I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
