Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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