Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
babies were throwing up all over the place
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
