This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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