last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
