and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
