i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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