Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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