Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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