I must be too annoying 4 u.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
