I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
