well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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