I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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