You made me cry and you don't even care
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
