4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
