Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
