I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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