Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
