then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
