i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
