i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
